If you live with PMDD, you’ll know the exhausting tug of war that happens inside your own head. One week you’re clear, capable, and grounded. The next, it feels like a completely different version of you has taken over.

I call this the True Self vs the Luteal Self, and it’s one of the pillars of my counselling approach.

The True Self

Your True Self is the steady, grounded version of you that shines during the follicular phase. She knows what you value, she has clarity about what matters most, and she can make decisions without second guessing or spiralling.

She’s the one who loves her kids, her partner, her business. She’s the version of you that remembers your dreams, goals, and long term vision for your life.

The Luteal Self

Then the luteal phase hits, and PMDD brings in a whole different energy. Suddenly, the Luteal Self is at the wheel and she doesn’t see the world through the same lens.

• Some of my clients tell me their Luteal Self doesn’t want kids, and before their bleed they feel like a terrible mum because they’re detached or resentful.

• Others say their Luteal Self doesn’t want to run a business anymore, wishing they had a simpler life and feeling like they’ve failed somehow.

The Luteal Self can be harsh, critical, and filled with doubt. She questions everything. She can make you feel like you’re living a double life.

And here’s the thing. Neither version is “wrong.” They’re both you. But if you don’t understand the shift, you can end up spending so much energy arguing with yourself, trying to work out which “you” is the real one.

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So, Which One Is the Real You?

This is the million dollar question women with PMDD ask: Am I my True Self? Or is the Luteal Self just as valid?

Here’s what I want you to know: your True Self is your anchor. She’s the constant. The Luteal Self is still part of you, but she’s influenced by the hormonal storm that comes with PMDD.

In counselling, we learn to:

• Recognise when the Luteal Self is speaking

• Create strategies so she doesn’t get to run the show

• Honour her feelings without letting her destroy everything the True Self has built

It’s not about silencing her, it’s about understanding her role and learning how to manage the push pull dynamic with compassion.

Why This Approach Matters

This is the difference between regular counselling and working with a PMDD specialist. Many therapists will hear you say, “I don’t want to be a mum anymore” or “I want to quit my business,” and take it at face value.

But I know that in two weeks, you might feel the exact opposite. That’s why the True Self vs Luteal Self framework is so powerful. It helps you stop questioning your whole identity every single month, and instead build trust in your True Self.

A Question for You

How much time do you spend arguing with your Luteal Self?

Imagine if you could redirect that energy into feeling supported, grounded, and understood instead of stuck in the same exhausting fight every month.

That’s the work I do with my clients. And if this resonates with you, I’d love to explore how we can make your luteal phase feel less like an identity crisis and more like something you can move through with clarity and confidence.