"I would have skipped my own wedding if it landed on a luteal day."

I said this in my PMDD Reset Method Support Group last week, and you should have seen the faces.

Some women nodded knowingly. Others looked shocked. A few laughed nervously, like I'd just said something wildly inappropriate.

But here's what happened instead: My wedding fell perfectly in my follicular phase. The honeymoon, though? That started right as luteal kicked in.

I cried on the plane to Bali. Not happy tears. Full PMDD tears—the kind where you feel inexplicably sad, irritable, completely dysphoric. On what should have been one of the happiest trips of my life.

And you know what? If I'd known then what I know now, I would have changed the dates.

The Exception Olympics: Why We Won't Protect Our Luteal Phase

In our support group last week, we talked about the importance of keeping your luteal phase clear. No big commitments. No stressful events. No pushing through "just this once."

Almost immediately, the exceptions started rolling in:

"But I can't let my friend down..."
"The holiday dates were cheaper this week..."
"It's my friend's wedding, I have to go..."
"My mother-in-law already booked the family reunion..."

We bend ourselves into pretzels trying to accommodate everyone else. We convince ourselves that we can somehow power through.

And then we wonder why nobody takes our PMDD seriously.

Here's the uncomfortable truth: Why would they if we won't?

What Happens When You Override Your Luteal Needs

Every time you book something in luteal "just this once," you're saying this event is more important than your wellbeing.

The pattern is always the same:

You go to the birthday dinner. You're irritable the whole time. You snap at someone. You leave early, guilty for being "off."

You take the cheaper holiday dates. You cry in the bathroom of the Airbnb. Everyone remembers "the trip where you were in a bad mood."

You attend the wedding you "had to" go to. The music is too loud. You fake smile through photos. You leave early with a migraine.

You override your boundaries, suffer through the event, and relationships still suffer—except now you're exhausted and filled with shame too.

"But I Can't Just Cancel My Life Every Month"

I hear this pushback constantly. And I get it—it feels impossible.

But here's what I'm actually suggesting: You don't have to cancel your life. You have to design your life around your cycle instead of pretending it doesn't exist.

What Strategic Luteal Protection Actually Looks Like

Protect luteal from:

• Optional social events
• Travel with tight schedules
• Family gatherings that trigger you
• Events that require you to "perform" socially

Instead, plan ahead. When you track your cycle properly, you know luteal is coming. You can:

• Schedule important work deadlines for follicular/ovulation
• Book holidays around your cycle, not just around sales
• Give friends advance notice: "I'm not great the week of the 15th, can we do the 22nd instead?"

This isn't about being rigid. It's about being realistic.

The Radical Act of Normalising Luteal Boundaries

Here's what changed everything for me: I started treating luteal phase like any other medical accommodation—without shame, without over-explaining, without apology.

Instead of: "I'm so sorry, I know this is terrible timing, I just don't think I can make it, I feel awful, maybe I can still try..."

Try: "I can't make it that week—I have a recurring health thing. Let's find another date that works!"

Instead of: "I'll try to be there, but I might not feel great..."

Try: "That's my luteal week, so I'll need to pass. How about the following weekend?"

You don't owe anyone your medical details. You're simply stating a boundary based on a medical reality.

When the People in Your Life Push Back

Not everyone will understand. Some will think you're being dramatic.

The people who matter will make space for your reality. The people who don't... might not be safe people for you right now.

Your sister who guilts you every time you can't make family dinner? She's choosing not to understand.

Your friend who says "just push through, everyone has bad days"? She's minimising a medical condition.

You are not asking for special treatment. You are asking for basic accommodation of a chronic illness.

The Guilt Will Try to Convince You Otherwise

"But people already think I'm unreliable..."
"What if they stop inviting me to things?"
"Maybe I'm just weak and should push through..."

That voice? That's PMDD talking. That's internalised shame.

The truth is:

• You're not unreliable—you're managing a chronic condition
• The right people will keep inviting you and work with your schedule
• Pushing through doesn't make you strong; it makes you sicker

Protecting luteal isn't selfish. It's survival.

What Changes When You Actually Protect Luteal Phase

Women in the PMDD Reset Method who commit to protecting luteal report:

✓ Fewer rage episodes because they're not forcing themselves into overstimulating environments
✓ Less guilt because they're not snapping at people during events they shouldn't have attended
✓ Better relationships because they show up as themselves during their good weeks
✓ More energy because they're not depleting themselves trying to appear "normal"

One member put it perfectly: "I used to apologise for existing during luteal. Now I just... don't book anything. And my life got so much calmer."

This is what happens when you stop fighting your cycle and start working with it.

Ready to Stop Sacrificing Yourself for Everyone Else's Schedule?

The PMDD Reset Method™ teaches you how to:

✓ Track your cycle properly so you can plan ahead instead of constantly reacting
✓ Set boundaries without guilt using scripts that feel natural and confident
✓ Design your life around your cycle instead of pretending it doesn't exist
✓ Build a support system of women who get it and won't judge you

For just $19/month, you get access to everything you need to finally stop apologising for your PMDD and start living strategically with it.

Join The PMDD Reset Method™ for $19/month →

Frequently Asked Questions

What if I've already committed to something during luteal? Should I cancel?

It depends on the event and how close you are to it. If it's optional and you can cancel without major consequences, consider it—your wellbeing matters. If it's non-negotiable, focus on damage control: build in recovery time before and after, reduce other stressors that week, and use your nervous system regulation tools.

How do I explain this to people without oversharing medical details?

Keep it simple: "I have a chronic health condition that flares up predictably each month. I need to keep certain weeks clear." You don't owe anyone more information than that.

Won't people think I'm being dramatic or using PMDD as an excuse?

Some might. Those aren't your people. The right people will respect your boundaries without requiring you to prove how sick you are.

What about life events I can't control, like if someone ELSE schedules their wedding in my luteal phase?

You still have a choice. You can attend if it's worth the cost to your wellbeing. You can skip it and send a gift. You can attend the ceremony but skip the reception. Or you can be honest: "I have a health condition that peaks during that week. I'll do my best, but I might need to leave early."

Amanda Westphal is a registered counsellor and PMDD survivor who specialises in supporting women through the emotional and relational impacts of PMDD. She combines professional clinical training with deep lived experience to create practical, compassionate strategies that actually work.